The Baby (1973) Dir: Ted Post Cast Anjanette Comer, Ruth Roman, Mariana Hill, Suzanne Zenor, David Manzy Rated PG, Approx: 85 minutes Image Entertainment DVD

“Pray you don’t learn the secret of…THE BABY”

Is there a killer baby or not?

For better or worse, BloodAndSleaze.com has become a major aspect of my life.  I’ve been motivated to revisit some of my favorite films for a closer look and I’ve been more diligent than ever in my search for bizarre new ground to explore.  When I came across The Baby, my initial thought was that this would make a great addition to the website.   As for the film, I was hoping for something delightfully deviant; maybe this could be a companion piece to The Child.

It’s difficult to know what to expect from a film like this.  The poster and tag lines for the movie are aimed directly at the sleazy horror crowd: A gigantic baby with an axe and a lolita-looking girl standing seductively outside of the crib.   Looks promising.  The description though, seems to point in another direction: A social worker becomes obsessed with a family that appears to be keeping a full grown man as a baby – diaper, crib, and all.

With a movie like this, I’ve found it’s best to just toss everything aside and just dive right in.  What I got was a wildly uneven film with some perverse highs and some dull and clichéd lows.  At best there were uncomfortable moments in the vein of Sleepaway Camp and The Toy Box, the worst moments felt like typical Lifetime Network drudgery.

A Brief Synopsis…

A social worker arrives at the home of a crotchety middle-aged woman and her three children.  The first two seem slightly askew but normal enough, one is alternately clingy and standoffish and the other is a little too promiscuous for her age.  The third is the deal breaker though: our giant baby.  He’s not actually a baby though, he appears to be in his 20s but still dresses and acts like a baby…his name is even Baby!

As to be expected, the social worker is intrigued by Baby.  The obvious questions arise, like what the hell is wrong with him?  The social worker wants to teach him to reach his full potential, but the family is determined to keep him as is.  Why exactly they are so determined is left up in the air.  One possible explanation about the matriarch of the family having a bone to pick with the male gender as a whole is offered up in a half assed manner and left at that.   This useless information is about as thought provoking as the dismal Unhinged.

The film hits a bit of a drought here as the scenes become repetitive and nothing overly interesting happens.   Thankfully, there is an unexpectedly deviant scene involving a babysitter that saves the second act from complete tedium.  After we meander through a poorly constructed party scene the movie kicks into gear.  From here on out there are enough twists and turns that I feel I should avoid spoilers other than telling you that the Lifetime crap is kept to a minimum.

Again, is there a killer baby or not?!

Sadly, no, there is no killer baby throughout the movie.  Anyone looking at the artwork would probably be lead to believe otherwise, but it’s time to face the facts.  Surprisingly, the lack of a killer baby doesn’t completely sink the ship.  There are enough bizarre scenes that The Baby is worth a look.  The biggest flaw in the film though is that these scenes are disjointed and there is too much boring filler in the middle.

Director Ted Post previously worked on The Twilight Zone.  It makes me wonder if the film had all the excess (baby) fat removed if it could have worked more effectively in a different format.  I don’t think it fit it with The Twilight Zone, but it could have made a strong episode of Tales From the Darkside or possibly The Night Gallery.

2.5 dirty diapers out of 5 Dr. Spector  6.11.06